Humour

A businessman taking a seminar on efficiency completed a case study of his wife's routine for fixing breakfast, and presented the results to the class. `After a few days of observation, I quickly determined the practices that were robbing her of precious time and energy,' the man reported. `Taking note of how many trips she made from the kitchen to the dining room carrying just one item, I suggested that in the future she carry several items at a time.'

`Did it work?' the teacher asked.

`It sure did,' replied the businessman. `Instead of taking her twenty minutes to fix my breakfast, it now takes me just seven.'

 

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The devil challenged St. Peter to a game. `How can you win?' St. Peter asked. `All the famous players are up here.'

`How can I lose?' retorted Satan. `All the umpires are down here.'

 

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A man complained to his colleague, 'I have a severe headache and want some medicine to cure it.'

The colleague reassuringly remarked, `You don't need any medicine. I had a headache yesterday, and when I went home, my loving wife just kissed me and comforted me, and the pain was soon off. Why don't you try the same cure?'

`Yes. I think I will. Is your wife at home now?'

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The husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. `Be careful,' he said to his wife.

`You'll bring out the beast in me.'

`So what!' the wife replied. `Who's afraid of a mouse?'

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At a pharmacy, a woman wanted to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk complained that the device was out for repairs, but said he would estimate the infant's size by weighing the mother and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

`It won't work,' countered the woman. `I'm not the mother, I'm the grandmother.'

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Approaching a passerby, a beggar asked, `Sir, would you give me a hundred rupees for a cup of coffee?'

`That's ridiculous!' the man replied.

`Just a yes or no, fellow,' the beggar growled. `I don't need a lecture about how to run my business.'

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Our son asked if he could borrow some money to buy a car. The father explained that borrowing money is a bad habit. `Son, I got my first motorcycle when I was nineteen, and with my own money. I got my first car at twenty-four, and with my own money. And I got my second car when I got married, and with my own money.'

At this point the son interjected excitedly, `So there is no problem. This car would be with your own money as well.'

July September 2014